Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Like her?

Here is a short story I just finished. I didn't edit it or anything. So bear with me. But get a chuckle out of it and go on about your day. :)



She chews with her mouth open. That's probably one of the most annoying things about her. Then she flips her hair and smiles. Her smile that is perfect and pretty in every way. Of course I smile back. Otherwise I'm the one in the wrong. It becomes a question of "Why don't you like me?" And then he asks, "Why do you despise her so much?" And the answer is "I don't". But in actuality, I don't know.

Him and I have been friends for a couple of months now. In those few months we've become family. He calls my mom "Mom", as I do the same with his. He's the one person I can rely on. But the one thing that constantly make us bicker like five year olds, is her. A girl who has caught his eye for years. This perfect being that can never do any wrong. She's got everything a boy could want. Her figure is ideal, face is pretty, hair shines like the sun, height is petite (small enough to fit in your pocket), and her personality is as sweet as pie. Which is corny to say but it is true. So why wouldn't I like her?

"We should all go to my house and finish up the project." She says.

"That's good with me." He said as he started packing up his books.

"I guess that works." I added.

Everyone else agreed and we headed out the library.

"Actually, isn't Joseph's house closer." I asked, "Would your roommates mind?" I asked him.

"Nah, everyone is more than welcome to my place." Joseph said.

"Oh um, I guess we can do that instead." She said.

It was settled; we were going to Joseph's. I would be damned if I had to go to her house for something. Although technically it doesn't even matter who's house we go to. It's just satisfying that her wishes were trumped by my hand.

"Really?" Trent whispered to me on the way to his car.

"What?" I played stupid.

"It's not like I was going to go into her room while everyone was there and have sex with her." He said a but angered.

"I didn't say you were." I answered.

"Whatever" He finished with.

And there I go again. I'm the bad guy. Well maybe in this case I was and it was unnecessary but I really just wish she was out of our lives and that was it. Her constant presence makes me want to do nothing but bring misery to her. Which sounds so bad but I can't help it. What is wrong with me?

As Trent and I drove in his car together, we sat in silence. The songs on the random were the only conversation going on. One song would be a ballad about love, then the next about betraying and cheating. Surprisingly, I rather it this way. Him upset or disappointed with me. At least he was showing me I could make him feel something. I always feel like she's got most of his emotion and I get the scraps. But when he's upset with me, the emotion is made for just me. Only me. Let me explain it deeper.

In the beginning of our friendship, he was obviously intrigued by me and admired me for who I was. I did warn him that there would come a day he would get sick of me or me of him. But he saw it as a joke and thought I was only kidding. But here we are sitting in his car in silence.

I didn't always prefer that we have these moments. I used like the times when he'd see something in a store and get it for me because I wasn't feeling well or just because. Or when we'd have our "us" times, where no one else mattered but us. And then, she happened. She became a potent part of our friendship. Although they were friends first, the "poison" started when she began to look at him more and more in a-- romantic way.

I swear to you that I am not crazy. I'm sure he knows it too, but he hides behind their friendship.

"She's always been a good friend to me." He'd say

Yeahhh, I'm sure she has. But lets think of why. It's because one day she knows he'll cave in and make the two of them more than just friends. And he will because he doesn't think there is much out there for him besides a girl who twirls her hair and talks in a baby voice. But at the same time, I can tell he's trying to wait out in hope of something better coming along. We both know he'd want to kill himself after a while. But for some reason, I feel like she'll be able to out wait him. It will be 50 years from now and she will still be sending those smiley faces and messages that say "You're my pookie bear".

"What are you thinking about?" Trent broke the silence.

"Um… Nothing." I said.

"So we're lying to each other now?" He went on.

"NO!" I answered.

"Then what's going on in your head that's got you so silent." He asked.

"Well… I want to ask you something. And you need to answer seriously." I protested.

He nodded.

"Do you-- Do you ever think that--- because of how I act sometimes--- I want you for myself?" I finally asked.

"Romantically?"

"Yeah"

"Oh"

I regretted asking already.

"Well…" He started to answered.

"You don't have to answer if you don't want. I know it was weird to ask." I said quickly.

"No. No it's not that. It's just that, I have thought about it. And honestly, I have no idea. " He answered.

"Oh" I said puzzled.

"But I will say that it's mainly confusing because there are days you seem so in love with me. And those days I think our friendship are at it's peak. And then there are times like now, you're not being the way you are because you love me. I think it's because of something else. Or someone else." He continued.

"What do you mean?" I said confused.

"You're scared. And I really don't understand about what." He said bluntly.

I'm scared? I am scared of things. But I'm not sure what specifically would affect our friendship. And it surprising that he noticed that it is fear that's been driving me to feel this way.

"Here we are. " Trent said as he parked.

"Okay. Don't forget to pop open the trunk." I said.

"And we'll finish our convo later." He added.

I nodded.

As we walked into the house, I had so many thoughts go through my head. I think that deep down, I don't love him romantically. But then at the same time, it could be me protecting my heart. I would be heartbroken if I confessed my love to him and he didn't return it. Sometimes… I do confess to myself sometimes. And then I think about it too much and realize that I'm just being dumb or bored. I kind of think that he wonders too. Not exactly sure what he wonders about but I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm romantically in love with him and I wish we could be together. Which is very awkward. We have two friends who are in that very situation. The best friends have been tight since pampers and it has been said by one that he is in love with the her. I don't want to be like that. I rather painfully separate the two of us for life instead of living life with unrequited love. I'd be miserable but I deserve a chance at happiness. Although in the end, I honestly honestly honestly have no clue if I do have romantic feelings for Trent. But I think that if I get involved with someone else, I'll figure it out better.

"Are you okay, Vicky?" Jasmine said to me.

"Oh, I'm fine. Just have a lot on my mind." I answered.

"Oh Sweetie. Do you need some coffee?" She asked me, "Oh silly me! Look at me offering other people's things. Joseph do you mind us making coffee?" She went on.

"I'm good, Jasmine." I replied.

"Oh. Well--- tell me if you change your mind." She said a little less bubbly.

Trent gave me a look.

"On second thought. Sure. " I smiled.

And there was her smile again.

He's never had a lot of friends. Not real friends. And I am positive I am a good friend to have because of my life experiences. I know the importance of friendship. I've had so many and some lasted longer than others. But I don't think he knows how to respond to that. I kind of believe he thinks I want something from him. But I actually just want him. I like being around him and I love him for him. If he were perfect, I don't think I would be interested. His complicated thinking and beliefs are somewhat an attraction. Not a romantic attraction, but what draws me to him as a person. So I don't love him in that way.

"Hey, what are you smiling about over there, Cutie?" Trent asked me.

"My best friend. " I answered.

He smiled and looked back down at his book.

"You guys are so cute together." someone said.

"Everyone says that." We both said.

Then Jasmine got up and went to the kitchen. I looked up at Trent. He looked back at me and shrugged.

That is the one thing I haven't figured out. Why she bothers me so much? Or what am I scared of?

I've become submissive for Trent, which isn't me at all. If he asked me to get him water, I'd get a glass for him.If he asked Jasmine, she'd get him a bucket. But I think that's cause she's blinded by love. She hopes that he'll one day turn around and say "I love you, lets get married". I know what that looks like cause I've done that myself. But in actuality, she'll get him to say it, but I believe he'll always wish he hadn't. But the two of them are in love with being in love. Just because your first love will always have a part of you doesn't mean that you have to be a part of each other.

"I've got it." I whispered.

"You found the answer for 54?" Joseph asked.

"Oh, no. Sorry. I was thinking about something else." I replied.

I excused myself and went to go stand outside.

Jasmine came outside right after I closed the door.

"Hey. Do you mind if I come out here too?" She asked before stepping outside.

I shook my head no.

"Thanks." She said and lit a cigarette.

We stood there in silence for a little bit.

"I'm Sorry." I said.

"Huh? For what?" She asked.

"Being kind of rude to you sometimes." I confessed.

"Really? I've never noticed." She replied.

Yeah, I never thought she was the brightest of the bunch.

"Well either way, I am sorry. It was uncalled for. " I continued.

"It's alright. " She smiled.

"To be honest, I think that I was just scared of someone taking something I keep close to my heart." I teared up a little.

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"Before Trent, I've had friends. Lots of them. But when I have put myself out there and really loved some of those people, they hurt me the most without realizing it."

"Oh"

"It was when they got their boyfriends, girlfriends, moved and never visited, …they made my presence seem like it was unneeded and soon we weren't friends anymore. So I never go to be with that person who I loved with all of me, again. Which in my opinion is so unfair." I cried a little.

"I'm sorry"

"Don't be. It's pretty pathetic. Friends come and go. And I will never have someone all to myself. Its wishful thinking. And it's kind of juvenile. I need to grow out of it."

"No, that's not true. I think a lot of people are like that. You're just brave enough to voice it." She smiled.

"Thanks" I smiled.

"Don't worry. I think you and Trent are going to be good for a long time. He loves you a lot. He's told me many times. I'm jealous." She laughed.

"He's never said how much he loves me, to me. " I laughed.

"That's men for you." She said.

She finished her cigarette and we started heading back inside.

"And if you like Trent, you should go for it." I said.

"Trent?" She asked

"Yeah. You should make a move." I encouraged.

" Vicky--- I like Joseph." Jasmine replied.