Monday, September 12, 2011

Secrets

I do like the song "Secrets" by One Republic.

As this year has gone by, I have found it more and more difficult to write. To feel inspiration. Which is funny because I had a professor tell me when I was in undergrad that "Writers' Block" is a myth. Well it is definitely much so in my life. I need inspiration and fresh experiences to get me going.

I used to have an old blog, as I may have mentioned before, that was a lot about my personal life. I made it a point to stir away from that this time around because as much as I like being honest and controversial and open, it showed a slight un-professionalism and adolescence in my writing. Now I would like it to be more mature and professional with a hint of those other things. I never want to be too serious. That's no fun and not interesting to read. If I wouldn't read it, why would I ask other people to?

Going back to my thought, I became a very open and honest person around the time I started that old blog. And I was going through a very very difficult time. But I also didn't tell everyone in my life everything. Instead I told a world of strangers. And I feel that this is an element I need to slowly and artistically implement once again in my life.

A secret: I get very insecure about my friendships when I find out a friend has been keeping something from me. Once, I was so disappointed in my friend because he was keeping a secret from me. A simple secret that he was still speaking to his ex- girlfriend (No, not because I want to be his current one haha). Something so small annoyed me because, why not just say it? I had to hear it and find out by accident, which made me feel very expendable in his life. He has his secrets. But are they actually called secrets? Is keeping them deceitful? It could be called reserved. But does it show a sign of mistrust? Who knows? But I have realized, who cares? Not me anymore. Cause as many words as it took to write this paragraph, I had 10 times more in my head about this situation. I concluded, I am 20 something years old and life is short. "Life goes on" as one of my long-lasting friends told me yesterday. (This situation was just a sample of the chaos of little things I worry about. So you can only imagine.) Why stress myself out when there are SO MANY other things to worry about? For example, is my new store opening in Hawley, PA (Check it out) going to be successful or a flop?

As much as I love my friend, other friends and family, secrets are going to be my ticket to fighting writers block. Look at that paragraph I just wrote. And I give thanks to me not doing what I usually do (sit down and speak to the person about what I'm feeling). What happens in result to a convo like that, all magic is said and not written and now I have no new writing. *Sad face*

Of course what this does not mean is that I am not going to be a Conflict Avoider. Not at all. Oh NO! I hate those. I will still always speak to the appropriate person and resolve issues. But as I said, this was something that was not an issue, it was me stressing something I took offense to. Being a silly girly girl. Shame on me. Conflict Avoiding is something that always breeds a bigger problem (<--- worst that issue). So lets all promise to not go there.

In conclusion: I will be Reserved about my life a bit more. Not have everyone know everything about me. In result, I hope to have more to say to you lovely people.

Whew, I'm hungry and tired but I'm glad we had this talk. *Happy face* Now let me give my friend the heads up about this blog entry before he gets mad at me.

"You are the thunder and I am the lightening"

Yup it comes Naturally.