Tuesday, April 23, 2013

FML


I wrote this when I was studying abroad in England. I left out the ending. It's one of my pieces for the showcase. 

Disappointing Morning
“Ow! ” I yelled as I landed on the floor. Leo looked over the bed and said, “Sorry”.
“I told you I didn’t want you to be on top. And why did you even try to kiss me anyway??? There is NO kissing. Strictly in and out, like I told you.” I shouted as I got up.
He apologized some more, but by then the moment was over and I wanted him to leave. So he left and I got ready for class. For once it seemed as if I was going to be on time. I didn’t even know what class I had that day. Psychology? English? History? Theatre? Or Human Biology? Then my cell rang.
“Hey Grandma. Is everything okay? I asked.
She said that she just wanted to ask when I was coming to visit. But I couldn’t really talk because I was still searching for my schedule. “Okay, I’ll talk to you later then,” she finally said. I couldn’t stand when she’d say ‘then’ in that way. It would make me feel so bad.
“I WILL call you,” I reassured her.
“Okay…Bye,” and she hung up.
And as I closed my cell there it was, on the floor of my closet.
“History it is”
History Judgment
“He threw you off the bed? How??” my friend asked in amazement.
“I don’t even know how, so don’t ask.” I said frustrated.
 “You really thought he’d be good too. Damn that sucks.” She went on.
 I just opened my books and ignored her. Boys are just a big disappointment. The one thing they swear or they claim to or you think they’re good at, they aren’t. What good is a guy then, if they can’t do that one thing?
“Maybe he was just off today?” she still went on.
“Let it go! He was bad! He threw me off the bed! — Who does that? It’s not sexy at all!” I shouted, and everyone in the lecture room looked over at us.
“Does anyone have an answer?” I asked them, “No? Then mind your business.”
And they all went back to what they were doing. “That was rude.” she said. I just gave her a look and rolled my eyes. She seemed a little ticked off that I did that and turned around to the front of the room. She’s so annoying.
                I usually just let the day pass me by and dread a new one beginning. My days are long, as well as my nights because I have school all day and I party all night. While sitting in class I wondered and planned what I would do and who I would do that night. Which may sound slutty to you but I like it, so don’t judge me. I laughed out loud in class thinking about that very thing.
“Don’t judge me?” I said to myself.
If you think about it, everyone is being judged and it’s never going to stop. Then again, people ask to be judged so that they can “climb the ladder”; be perceived as better than the rest. How can we perceive if we can’t judge? So I guess I want people to judge me, but not to wrongly perceive me.
                “What are you giggling about Miss Goldman?” the professor said. I smiled, “About last night” and winked at him. The whole classroom flooded with a bunch of “Oooo’s” and “Ahhh’s”. The professor blushed and shrugged me off. Now everyone is judging him because they know he wouldn’t have been the first professor I’ve spent the night with.
Break Free
“I’m okay with either one.” Cara said. I nodded and took a sip of my water.
“What time is your next class?” she asked. “I don’t know, maybe 12.” I laughed.
She laughed too. My cell phone rang. Once again, it was my grandmother. I got up and answered the call.
“What’s wrong, Grams?” I picked up.
There was nothing on the other line. No one was there and the call ended. I called her back.
 “Hello?” she answered.
“Is everything okay?” I asked.
“Yeah…just called by accident.” She laughed.
 I laughed but was kind of annoyed. But only she could get away with something like that.
 “Do you need anything? You know I’ll come right over,” I offered. 
“Oh no, don’t do that. Go about your day. I’ll see you this weekend.” Grams said.
We finished talking and I sat back down with Cara.
“Who was that?” she asked. “
None of your business” is what I wanted to say, but I said, “Some guy I might meet up with tonight.” Cara laughed a little and shrugged it off.



Psych your Mind
                Sitting in this classroom is a waste of time and I wish I could leave. Why did I even show up? “Write about your parents for five minutes, saying how they make you feel.” The professor said.
What a lame assignment.
I have nothing to say about my parents. They don’t like me, I don’t like them. Me and Grams do fine without them. So all I need to write is “Nothing”, cause they are nothing to me, non-existent.
                “Anyone want to share? Or do I have to pick on a defenseless soul?” The professor asked.
No one raised their hand. He laughed to himself and pointed to the guy behind me.
He grunted a little, “I look at my mom as someone loving and warm. My dad… a scumbag.”
“Okay… why is that?” the professor asked.
“I don’t know. Just cause.” The guy answered.
I laughed a little too loudly.
 “What’s so funny Miss Goldman?” the professor called me out.
“I was just thinking about how true the saying is about the apple not falling far from the tree.” I laughed even louder.
 “What’s that supposed to mean?” the guy said.
“You ARE a scumbag. Don’t be surprised.” I answered.
 Instead he got angry.
“Sit down, “the professor said, “Now Miss Goldman, what did you write down? You were the first one to put your pen down.”
“Nothing… literally.” I said and showed him my blank page.
“Nothing? Why?” he asked, trying to get into my brain.
“Cause they are nothing to me. So they aren’t worthy of an emotion.” I replied.
“Well I say you’re lying. You do feel something about your parents. We can all see it in the way you speak about them and hear it in your tone of voice. Does anyone want to comment?” he asked the class. There were hands raised. He picked his pet.
“I think her parents may have made her feel as if she was nothing and that is why she perceives them as nothing as well. But she does care and have an emotion. – She’s angry,” she analyzed.
“Hmm nice observation.” The professor complimented her.
“Oh my God, this is so dumb.” I sighed.
“You ARE nothing. You slut.” The guy behind me shouted.
 “What?!” I yelled and turned around.
“Okay guys lets calm down. That was out of line,” the professor said.
“Professor, it’s true. A lot of guys have had their ride on that.” Another guy shouted.
 “Well you haven’t,” I shouted back.
 “Okay let’s calm down. This was an exercise to see the connection between your parents and who you are today. Not so that you can attack each other, “the professor shouted.
Wow, REAL productive class.
Lunch
                “I always thought he was a jerk,” Cara said attempting to comfort me.
“Whatever. I’m over it.” I said and took a bite of my sandwich.
“You’re not bothered by that?” she asked. I sipped my soda and shook my head.
“I would be bothered about the thought of guys viewing me that way,” she continued.
“Well maybe it’s good you’re not me then.” I answered.
 Cara just looked at me, kind of like I insulted her.
“Why do you do that?” she asked.
“Do what?” I said looking at her like she was an idiot.
“You’re always so rude to people. I thought we were finally becoming friends but I guess not. You never let me know you, “she explained.
“Oh, well sorry. I just don’t.” I said simply.
“Why not?” she imposed some more. 
“I just don’t. That’s all there is to it. So drop it.” I answered.
“It doesn’t seem like that’s it because you’re getting defensive.”
“Well maybe because you’re asking all these dumb questions and getting into my business.”
“I just want to be a good friend. And obviously there’s something wrong.”
“Nope, there isn’t,” I said as I packed my lunch.
“So you’re going to avoid whatever it is and run?” Cara asked. 
I just stopped moving for a second. She just waited, obviously waiting for me to all of a sudden have a breakthrough and cry on her shoulder. I wasn’t going to do that.
 “Yes, that’s what I’m going to do.” I answered and left her sitting alone.
                I don’t understand what the world’s obsession with curing everyone is. Unless I am harming others, there is no need to cure me.  I like who I am, more importantly, I am used to being the person I am. I don’t want to be cured. Kind of like how some mutants in the X-Men movies don’t see themselves as people who need a cure. I don’t need one either, I’m not sick. The world having a problem with my life is irrelevant because I am the only one living it, unfortunately. I have a conflict with the world. Cause the only person who is going to take care of me is me.  No one else has ever given a damn.