Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Abuse or Love?

I have a best friend who says I may be a woman who is often caught up in abusive relationships. Not just romantic ones but also friendships. This frustrates him because of how strong-willed I am. But a woman he doesn't know appears when it comes to these.

Of course I'm not talking about physically abusive, but emotional. This perhaps is the worst kind in my opinion. It's like you don't even notice. He makes you cry numerous times just by purposely not calling you back. Or doesn't yell but has a smart remark like "If you think so" or "Sure" to a question or situation that's really important to you. Or maybe a person you shower in compliments but they can never say you're beautiful? How does a person find themselves in a relationship that only benefits the other person? Or maybe it's not that. Maybe it's a relationship that just sucks you dry of energy or motivation. Makes you want to just die. Makes you give up. 

That's a form of abuse. 

When my friend made this allegation, I didn't believe him. I know what abuse looks like from my past work experience. But with that said, I didn't dismiss the comment. Often I have wondered why certain men in my life get under my skin. My dad, uncles, friends, and lovers... who are they to "determine" whether or not I'm good enough? 

As I read my teen journal over the weekend and even hanging out this weekend, I asked myself, is it them or is it me? I can't blame this on anyone. But I can share my experience to see if others can relate and make progress on stopping this behavior before it becomes worst. Before it cripples us from going to work, feeding our families, or taking care of ourselves among other things. Low esteem helps no one. 

So I say all this to say, ladies, don't let anyone blow out your fire. Cause the only one who can let them is you.