Monday, February 17, 2014

Happy Valentine's Day - Online Dating: Part II

Happy Belated Singles Awareness Day!

My day consisted of getting lots of work done and not remembering it was Valentine's Day. I think the snow really crushed many couples' plans for the evening. Although I'm sure they found something to do indoors.

It's about time I write another entry about online dating and share what else I have learned and experienced since the last one. Surely it is going to very informative.

Rule 1: Don't forget about "He's Just Not That Into You"

Since my last post I have stayed on two apps. And I have met up with a couple of guys. And I am still single but mingling a lot more. I'm okay with that, but what I'm not okay with is that I'm mingling with guys that don't quite know how to date. What I mean by this is... go on dates. Date. Meet for lunch, brunch, dinner, drinks, a movie, a carnival, a concert... I think I make myself clear. Men seem to want to take you on A date and then expect to get something in return. This I have begun to call, "He's not THAT into you but he is into your vagina". He believes you're attractive, funny, smart and maybe even possibly someone he can be with on a steady basis, but he gets less and less interested the longer it takes to see your "friend". 

At the same time Ladies, we aren't much better. I remember that one scene in the movie of He's Just Not That Into You, where Ginnifer Goodwin is told by Justin Long about how women deceive themselves into thinking they had this really amazing date, when in fact it was mediocre; but we insist on making this grand fantasy in our heads. Raise your hand if you have been there? Be honest. I have, I admit. And when I realized that I had lied to myself and made it seem like I actually enjoyed a date... I stopped myself. 

"If a guy treats you like he doesn't give a shit, it's because he doesn't give a shit." 
"If a guy wants to see you, he will make it happen."
"The spark thing is bullshit"

If he doesn't call you, he does not want to call you. In college, one of my sorority sisters asked me what I thought about a guy not texting her back much or at all because his grandfather died. I told her, he probably isn't really interested. Why? It's because I know that if someone (male or female) is going through a hard time with something, we go to someone who makes us feel like everything is going to be alright. So I ask, if you were going through a hard time, wouldn't you want to text the girl who makes you smile?

Gentlemen, women thrive on the drama. They will chase you and not even like you. My hand is raised. It's embarrassing but I said I would be honest with my readers. I texted and called a guy so much that he really thought I was head over heels for him. Quite frankly, I just had time to. Was trying to text my friends less because they have lives and I was out getting my own (outside of work). Another guy, Mr. BossRiot, had me smitten. I really did like him and can not tell you why. Perhaps it was just an ego booster, which is the most honest reason I can give you. So even after I found out he was lying to me about his testosterone problem, his age, being single; I still entertained myself by still communicating with him. I'm sure he thought I was in love. Do you get where I'm going with this? Needless to say, months later I saw him and his girlfriend walking down the street hand at hand. Yup.

Rule 2: Know what you're looking for

You may think you know, but have no idea what you're looking for. One of my friends is on a dating app and hasn't met anyone in person yet.  I think he may be unsure of what he is exactly looking for, or possibly scared of what he may find. OR knows exactly what he wants and has not found it. See what I did there.

I think as human beings, we long for many things and intimacy is one. With that said, intimacy can be masked in so many ways. Family, friends, romance, sexually and whatever else you can think of. Your job is to figure out which one you are looking for. Do you want to be closer to your family members? Or do you want a fling? Or do you want to be romanced by someone? Romance and Sex are very different, FYI. Therefore you need to know what you want before you go out looking for it on an online dating tool. 

Rule 3: Relax

Exactly, Relax. There is no need to stress over something that is actually supposed to be non stressful. Dating is supposed to be fun. We shouldn't make it complicated or dramatic. Granted it probably won't be that simple either. Therefore in the end, make it worth it.


A few articles that may help you decide what's the best way for you to use online dating apps.
5 Fundamental Truths of Online Dating

There Is No Difference Between Online and ‘Real-Life’ Dating
Love, Lies and What They Learned

Movies I suggest you watch. 

He's Just Not That Into You

Friends With Benefits

Books to check out.

The Hookup Handbook (Back to the basics)

The Rules is another book woman love to read. I read it once, it was alright. Not as impacting to me. 

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