Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Gospel Girl: One

A lot of friends tell me that some of the stories I tell them about my life are crazy. But I say, "I can make up all the stories I want, but not these." And one person said I should make a series called Gospel Girl. I agreed. I said, "One day". The infamous one day. Well... I was looking through an old journal of mine and realized, I have a blog, why not write some things on there. Of course Gospel Girl would be semi fabricated but I'm thinking I would more so collaborate different lives together. Unlike Samantha in My ____ Life, this new character is going to have a very different lifestyle.


God is her father, but also her husband. At least that is what we told her when we had a bible study with her. I don't think we realized that didn't make much sense, but we pretty much say whatever we have to say to convince them to get baptized into our church. This may sound manipulative but it's the honest truth. I can't lie anyway because I'm a disciple... to you that means I'm a Christian. A high strung one. Only been around for a year and I'm starting to question why I'm here. They're nice people and all but there are some serious issues in this place.

The other day I left church and was talking to one of the girls I get discipled by. Oh yes, discipled. It means they basically coach you on how to keep your life adjacent to the bible. Kind of like a mom hitting your hand when you are about to touch the fire. But in their case, many times it's also after you touch the fire. Oops. Or even before the thought of touching the fire enters your head. Anyway, so my discipling partner (person I get hit on the hand by) was talking to me about talking too much during church. I listened, said she was right and blah blah blah. But what caught my eye was one of my friends very upset standing outside alone. I waited until my DP (discipling partner) got distracted and was saying hello to someone else before I walked over. My friend... Brenda... yeah Brenda wasn't sure how to explain why she was upset. 

"I asked him to come here. No one else cared what he was up to or how he's been." she mumbled. 

I asked her who she was talking about and it was about a boy named Gordon. He used to go to our church but he left to carry on with his sinful ways. I heard he was possibly sleeping with Brenda but I didn't want to bring that up. 

"I hate when people are phony. If you aren't his friend, then don't pretend like you are." she shouted. 
I nodded my head. 
"Why do I even care? Let them go to the movies." she continued. 
"Brenda, it sounds like you have a lot to say about this situation but you aren't really explaining what has you so upset." I pointed out. 
She took a deep breath, "Obviously you know Gordon fell away (left the church). Well I invited him to come to church today. I really encouraged him to. Even said we'd hang out after. But now he's going to the movies with Michael and Frank, when both of them seemed to have forgotten he still existed. And I'm shut out." 

I understood a bit more now. At our church, once people leave... "fall away", they are basically shunned. They are shunned in the most silent way, but it's still the same feeling. People you thought were your friends stop calling, talk about you behind your back, pray for you cause your life is going to be SO horrible. But Brenda is one of those people who doesn't believe in doing that. Unfortunately for her though, in the this situation, it has made people "concerned" for her. Hence why I heard Gordon and her were sleeping together. 

"I know I shouldn't be this upset, but this sucks. I hate this." she said low. 

I hugged her and told her it'd be okay, there would be other times they could hang out. But of course with other disciples around to protect her. She understood. 

"I think that Frank and Michael just say an opportunity to maybe get Gordon back to God. And a girl may be distracting from that." I added. 
Brenda grunted a little. I looked at her and she rolled her eyes. 
"Cause my lady parts will make him come back to the church for me and not for God. So ridiculous." She said bothered. 
"It happens. Not saying it will happen here but it has. Doesn't hurt to be careful." I said. 
She nodded. 

Deep down, I think she does like him but that was a battle she was going to have to face all on her own. Meanwhile, Frank, Michael and Gordon waved to us as they walked out the building. 

"Hey, aren't we going to hang out?" Gordon shouted to Brenda. 
"No, go ahead. Call me later." she responded.

I smiled. Brenda made the right choice in allowing Gordon to have a chance to fight for his relationship with God. Many times we can be selfish. We meaning humans. We want what we want and think minimal about the effects it has on others. Without assuming too much, I think Gordon came today because he knew it would make Brenda feel better about whatever they are or aren't doing. Possibly the thought hasn't entered Brenda's mind yet, but I am confident that it has in Gordon's. He wants to sleep with her. And she will want to hold his hand, then kiss him and eventually want to sleep with him as well. This is how sin works. It manifests within us, takes it's time to come out. Which is why we have DP's. We talk to them weekly and get their input on every thought, concern, dream, temptation and so on. The one thing I pray for constantly is the gift of honesty. I want to be able to speak about anything. Be open about my sins. Avoiding the embarrassment isn't worth going to hell over.