Monday, May 12, 2014

"Terms of Endearment"

Many of you loved my Online Dating/ Dating posts. Lots of feedback about both. This time around I'm going to share my thoughts about the beginnings of my relationship. I have just snagged me a "Prince Charming" myself. And we're anything but "normal" (what does that mean anyway?). We didn't meet online but through a mutual friend. You know? The conventional way.

I bring this up because I believe the beginnings of a romance are important. The foundation is built within a few dates. Which brings me to an idea my boyfriend came up with. He proposed that we discuss things that are important to each of us. Therefore we had to take some time to think about a few things. We developed terms, in a way, but definitely not rules. Mostly a standard. This gave us the opportunity to learn more about each other. Life values and morals for one. And started things on a clear note. For example, neither of us believe in celebrating monthly anniversaries. We're grown ups and have confidence that yearly anniversaries aren't an unfathomable accomplishment. Therefore we agreed we wouldn't do them. But what if we hadn't talk about this beforehand? How awkward would it have been when I asked him what we were doing for our one month anniversary?

These terms can be related to the agreements/discussions many engaged couples have before tying the knot. They talk about how they'd raise their kids, what religion they'd raise them in? How far they're willing to be from their families? What debt they'd have to share? get my point. Luckily, at this point, yours shouldn't be as deep. I'd say keep them at the surface. You're hopefully not having babies right away, but maybe you should discuss what happens if the condom breaks. Or how long do you feel is appropriate before having a key to each other's homes. Or that he can't hate your cat.

The things discussed aren't there to break you up before you even commit to each other; but just make both parties a bit more aware of who they are committing to. As my boyfriend expressed, too many times do people jump into something and don't even talk about basic things. Some of those basic discussions could possibly prevent miscommunication and unnecessary fights. The beginning of the relationship is the time to explore and understand. Not just sex and showing off to your friends. This is the foundation that will set the tone for the rest of the relationship.

To all those new romances out there, I hope that you do your best to start out right. Whether it's with these terms or any other way. Ultimately make sure you keep talking. There is plenty of time for silence later.

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