Thursday, November 13, 2014

Relationship 101

I thought it would be nice to cover a topic that was more personal and less professional.  Keep the balance I have going.

Something I've been thinking about is the baggage individuals bring into a romantic union. Whether it's marriage or shacking up, you're united. As many know, both individuals have lived life prior to being their partner's partner. In that life, they most likely learned lessons they rather not repeat, or obtained habits/traditions, or even friends. How dare they? Trust me that's just a taste of it all. Most importantly, I dare to ask if you've thought about this? If not, you should.

Many discussions or misunderstandings are created from things like the partner s/he had before you was mistrusting and therefore any hint of mistrust from you gets him/her defensive. Confusing? Lets try this. Or your partner was verbally abused with phrases like "Don't be stupid" "you're so naive" or "You're lucky I'm with you.". So when you say it, he or she "overreacts".

I once had a therapist who told me that there really is no such thing as overreacting. Most times when someone is "overreacting", its actually in reaction to something they've already been festering or holding onto and possibly didn't realize it. An example is if you come home from a long day of work and you go to lay on top of your bed. "Oh my god,  now I have to change the bed sheets again. Thanks!" Your partner yells. And you're tired, so you get mad because what does it matter if you laid on your bed? It is your bed. But as you argue and discuss, you realize its cause you're pants are on the subway, at the office, at the park or bar throughout the day. They have the dirt from the day on them and your partner doesn't want them in the place where you two sleep. Day after day its mentioned or implied, then finally... no more mister nice guy. Kind of like one day at work, constantly bees buzzed all over the place. One at a time of course. My coworker suggested complimenting them (it may have worked) for them to go away. After work I went out that afternoon and saw a bee. I freaked out. By that point, I felt like they were following me. But no one else would know that. Hence, overreacting. 

I say all this to say, communication is key. Of course we all knew that and have superb relationships, but its a reminder.  My past is tough and I was a good girl Jesus freak. I can only imagine what a well-seasoned crowd has to deal with. Talk about it and you'll be surprised how many disagreements you'll avoid. Even with your mother.  Since I've gotten into a romantic relationship,  I believe my relationship with my mother has matured.  We communicate a tad more effectively. Everyone has a past, respect it.
Listen before you speak,  otherwise you're not listening, you're thinking about what you're going to say (dad taught me that).

Avoid the word "but" when agruing or discussing something. For example, "yeah I get what you mean but you should do it my way." You negate what you said before the but. "You're pretty but you have a big nose." Translation "you could be pretty if you didn't have a big nose."
That's a little peek into what my boyfriend likes to call "girl talk". I majored in girls everything in college after I joined a sorority. Men post your questions and I will gladly answer.
Communication. It does wonders.  

*proofread but this one was a toughy*